We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
