Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
