tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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