Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
