i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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