You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
