Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
