Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
