I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
