I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
