Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
