I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
