Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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