Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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