Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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