If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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