It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So. Much. Porn.
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