apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
