dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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