this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
