I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
