You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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