he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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