My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
