I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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