i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is wine microwaveable?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
