We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
