I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
