I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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