Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
