I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
