its not stalking. its research.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
