Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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