Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
