Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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