I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
