i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
MIDGETS
????
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
