if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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