it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We need to rekindle our bromance
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
