It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
