I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
