it was like his penis was on wheels.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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