Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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