so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
