Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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