Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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