Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
