HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're like the curious george of whores
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
