I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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