hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
