Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry about my life...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
