my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Text me some of your sweat
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