Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
