Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
