you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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