so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
