If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
