Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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