I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
