your parents love me but you hate me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
