Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
