I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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