His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Send help, water and tortillas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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