i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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