i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
