that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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