Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
