I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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