On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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