I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
