I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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