Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
