I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
