I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
