So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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